Letting go is not easy. It takes practice. You know those days when you feel like everything is going wrong and the odds are entirely against you?
Well I was having a streak of weeks of bad days. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time, I try to be happy and focus on the positive, to find a silver lining in every situation; but between a death of loved one, getting really sick, and unconsciously holding a grudge towards a friend, the chain of negative events were taking a toll on me.
Most recently, I found my dream job at BoominGroup, and since then my life changed. But while living the dream, I was also in a legal battle with my previous employer for the mere rights I had as an employee: my severance check. I worked (happily) for this company for more than two and half years and until my departure, I was given superstar treatment; I was told I had done so much for the company than most people and they were grateful for the service I provided throughout all those years.
The legal battle that left me wounded
The day came when I had to leave and cut ties with my coworkers and friends, but as I also cut ties with them, they also cut ties with me. They stopped replying to my calls as the months passed by so I decided it was time to demand for what was legally mine. I hired a lawyer and started the process of a lawsuit. I was convinced that I would fight for what was mine and for justice; not only for me, but for those who were still working there who were most probably going to be stiffed out of their checks too and didn’t even know it.
Fast forward a few months, after hours of long, exhausting meetings to reconcile and reach an agreement, I am finally advised that the only way to settle the case is by suing them in court. I wanted to move forward and asked my lawyers for a quote.
The day came when I finally received the email with all the pricing information from lawyers and it was awful. It would cost me tenths of thousands of dollars to sue my previous employer, probably more than I could ever make from winning the lawsuit. I was devastated.
The one thing I fought so hard on and clinged to for almost half a year, suddenly came to a halt. I was shattered – I had zero control of the situation and I couldn’t come to resolve or be ok with it.
Not being ok with it had started to affect my entire life, both personal and work. I was neglecting relationships and tasks at work and didn’t understand why. I suddenly found myself in a negative spiral and going even lower without any understanding of what was going on. It was all going downhill until my boss confronted me one day, as the situation was became apparent. We had a heart to heart that in present day, I can honestly say changed my life.
Along with help from the Booming Model and my Booming Collective support group, I was made to confront the underlying issue. It was right in front of me, I was having trouble letting go – letting of go of control, a situation I couldn’t change but wanted so hard to.
Challenge yourself to develop a process of letting go
Since then, I was lucky enough to find a systematic process of letting go . It sounds silly to say it aloud, but realizing I didn’t have one for myself, I thought I’d put it into words to lend a helping hand. I took some of my Collective group’s advise (holler at Katherine, Loren, Ki, Erica, and Becky for sharing) on letting go, and decided to mix and match and make one custom-made just for me.
The wound is the place where light enters you.
You’re your own Best Friend
Sounds tacky sometimes, but it’s true! When you’re on the go, connecting with people, nurturing relationships and friendships, or focusing on work, you forget to have conversations with yourself. Try to have check-ins with yourself every once in awhile, but especially if you’re feeling things aren’t going great; that is when you’re most vulnerable. Ask yourself probing questions like “What is different now than it was before?”, “What emotions am I feeling?”, “How does that make me physically feel?”, etc.
Talk to Someone
While it’s awesome that you check in with yourself now and again, it’s also great to get some perspective from someone outside of your environment. Talk to someone you trust, they may have some great input and offer ideas you might have not seen before.
Once you have all your ideas in one place, sit down and think. Were you holding on to a certain situation because there was money involved? Or pride? Go back to the core, initial intention. Why did you want that thing to happen or work out? Was the initial intention in alignment with your values and core beliefs? These questions will help you gain clarity.
Just because life throws results that you didn’t expect/want, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t the one YOU NEED. Remember always that there is a lesson to be learned in every situation. Always. No exception.
Take a Walk
This step is like a condiment, apply to taste. Sometimes, you have plenty conversations with yourself and friends and are fully aware of what’s wrong but you’re still stuck; you still can’t let go.
It’s OK. Take a walk and breathe. Clear your mind of any worries you may have. There are countless benefits to taking a walk. There is NOTHING a walk can’t remedy.
Once you understand why you were holding on to a situation and learn the lesson in disguise, this step is the easiest. Just let it go, move on, keep going and forget about it. Better things will come.
As entrepreneurs, we’ve finally stepped into our dreams, and have complete ownership of our lives and how we direct our business activities. But with this great power, also comes great responsibility. We all need to make a conscious effort and develop a process of letting go, so we can power through our insecurities, pitfalls, setbacks and make ample space for our creativity and innovation to be the best we can be, for our craft – whatever that may be.